The Real Meaning Behind Being an Introvert or Extrovert That Can Drastically Improve Your Relationships for the Better
I want to share some information with you today that was a gamechanger for me. I’ve actually known about this information for a long time but I shared it with a friend yesterday in passing and he told me the information was so valuable that he was stunned. He said it explained a number of things about his family dynamics, his divorce, and his current single dating life. I’ll share what he said at the end of the email.
My intention is that this information will be a gamechanger for many of you also the area of interpersonal relationships.
The topic is INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS
Introvert and extrovert are two commonly used terms in psychology to describe different personality traits and preferences regarding social interaction.
For most of my life, I thought that being introverted meant being shy and that extroverted meant being outgoing. I discovered the true definition of these terms when my children began having conflict with each other after my oldest child began kindergarten.
Our family had just moved here from California literally days before my daughter began her first day of kindergarten. Her younger brother who was fifteen months younger would watch her get on the school bus every morning and rush to meet her at the door upon her arrival home. He had been home all day with mom and not much to occupy him yet as we were still in the unpacking and setting up house phase.
Olivia would come in have a snack and then proceed to her room and close the door typically reading or doing something quiet. Well her brother was not happy about this. He wanted to play and interact. And the more he begged for her attention the more they would quarrel and bicker until she started coming home and going immediately to her room and closing the door. It honestly caused my son to act out and even hit her at times because he wanted her attention so badly!
Do you or your spouse or partner have a similar adult experience after a long day of work? Haha! You know the kind where one of you has been inside in the house all day and the other comes from work and just wants to be alone. This, for many couples creates resentment or even conflict. Feelings of being devalued or unappreciated can occur on both the side of the one wanting attention and the side of the one just wanting some time and space to decompress before stepping into the parenting and homemaking duties or sharing about each other’s day.
Well, when you understand the true definitions of introvert vs extrovert, you might find that the degree of harmony in your home greatly improves!
An introvert is someone who tends to be more inwardly focused, drawing energy from solitary activities and internal thoughts. Introverts often prefer spending time alone or in small groups. Introverts often engage in introspection and may have a smaller circle of close friends or prefer one-on-one interactions. And the key element that I want to point out to you, dear reader, is that introverts may feel drained or exhausted after extended periods of social interaction. They typically enjoy quiet and calm environments and may require alone time to recharge and regain their energy.
On the other hand, an extrovert is someone who tends to be more outwardly focused, gaining energy from socializing and external stimuli. Extroverts are often energized by being around others and enjoy engaging in social activities. They may be more talkative, expressive, and outgoing, and they tend to seek out new experiences and interactions. Extroverts often feel recharged and rejuvenated after socializing and may thrive in larger social settings or group activities. And Ironically, they tend to feel more drained and tired when they are deprived of social interaction!
It's important to note that introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum, and most individuals exhibit characteristics of both to some degree. Some people may fall closer to the middle of the spectrum and are referred to as ambiverts, displaying a balance of both introverted and extroverted traits depending on the situation.
When I learned the nature of introvert vs extrovert, I understood that I had given birth to one of each and that I could make life much easier on myself as a mother and my children if I paid attention to the signs in my children that indicated they were needing to align with their introvert or extravert nature. For my daughter, giving her dedicated time alone after school before chores, homework and playtime made a much happier child.
And for my son, it meant purposely scheduling more playtimes and outing with friends on a regular basis. Because honestly, when I didn’t he would become grumpy and pick on his sister more! Things began to improve with him as I taught him, around age six, to understand his own nature. As a result, he began to communicate to me when he needed re-energizing experiences. At times, he would simply inform me by pulling me out of a project and say, “Mom, we need to go somewhere.” At others, he would say, “Mom, you know how I get when I have been home alone for a while!” Yes, I did…like a bull in a china shop…. “Yes, I do son. Let’s go do something!” I would reply.
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
The Introvert vs Extrovert Game Changer Knowledge
How many of you said this or hear someone else say this during the lockdowns of Covid-19?? “I don’t mind this at all. I am perfectly happy just staying home!” In fact, one of my clients told me she was happier than she had ever been in her life. She works from home as a bookkeeper and got to spend comparatively quiet days with her husband.
Understanding your own nature as an introvert vs extrovert is vitally important in romantic relationships. It could be a lynchpin in a healthy, happy. and harmonious romantic relationship.
Introverts may trend towards wanting quiet, alone time when they first return home from a busy day at work. They may choose to take time to do solitary activities away from their partner which is not necessarily an indication of him or her not appreciating, enjoying or loving you. When you understand this, you don’t have to take it as a sign of rejection or your partner not wanting to be with you as much.
And when your introvert partner goes to a party with you and after a couple hours says, “I’m done. I’m ready to go home, it doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is a stick in the mud. It could mean they’ve simply reached their limit of what feels like enjoyable and comfortable social interaction and are not feeling the call to return home to re-energize.
On the other hand, if you are an introvert partnered with an extrovert, grilling at home and spending quiet nights at home every weekend can literally cause an extrovert to become lethargic, irritated, and at the extreme sad and depressed. An introvert who doesn’t understand this may perceive that their partner undervalues him or her and feels jealous or hurt that your extrovert partner wants to spend time out going to a concert or socializing.
Trust me, extraverts are not necessarily needy.
They simply re-energize by being around more people and more lively social experiences.
My friend told me that after our conversation yesterday, it explained the conflict between his two children and he believes that it not having this information was the source of much conflict between him and his ex-wife, him being the introvert who wanted quiet and order at the end of a long workday before diving into parenting and interacting. It also explained why his youngest daughter would never let him sleep in on a Saturday morning. She would pounce on dad by eight am after she had been up for a couple hours wanting him to play.
However, he said the most valuable area that the understanding of these concepts was to him currently was with the woman he was dating. Last Saturday, he wanted a night in and she agreed to come see him after going to hear live music early in the evening. At first he felt slighted. Now, he saw her in a different light. “Oh, she’s definitely an extrovert! I though her wanting to see the live music before me meant that I wasn’t that important to her. Now, I see that she just needed more social interaction than I wanted to involve myself in that night. And actually, when she did come over, we had a fantastic time.”
Conclusion:
If you would like coaching on how to create more harmonious relationships with your children, romantic partner, or spouse,
I offer one hour or ninety minute dedicated coaching only sessions to my clients.
I am very passionate about helping you to lead a happier, healthier and more harmonious life!