Struggling with Impostor Syndrome?

STRUGGLING WITH IMPOSTER SYNDROME?

According to ScienceBC.com, "Impostor Syndrome" makes people work too hard in order to make up for their perceived inadequacy, at the expense of self-care and a healthy work-life balance. Their need for perfection makes them micromanage everything, while also feeling shame for taking so much time to complete the task.

Imposter Syndrome is the result of our childhood IMPRINTING. Childhood influencers can cause a child to take on beliefs like: "I have to be perfect." "My good isn't good enough." "I am not that smart." "I must overgive to feel worthy or to feel justified in asking for money."

These are paramount to be cleared at the subconscious level! A sign this is true for you is that you are aware of the self-defeating thoughts but have not been able to change them (DM me to ask how hypnosis can help.)

If are struggling, affirm:

"I draw to me the clients that can benefit from the skills & experience I have NOW."

It will help you reprogram your thoughts. You will attract a different clientele 1 year from now, 5 years from now and so on...:)

Each of you have unique and powerful gifts to give this world. It's not just what you DO or what you KNOW!

It's WHO YOU ARE... Your care and authentic desire to help is a true gift to a client. It can be more valuable than a seasoned professional who is burnt out and lacking heart in delivering their services.

Much encouragement to each of you!

When the Future is Uncertain, That is Our Time to Co-Create

Many of you are feeling shut in, disconnected, anxious and fearful. Watch this video to give you some ideas on what you can do during this time of self-distancing during Covid-19. My love to each of you watching!

7 Ways to Have Calm During Covid-19

As the founder of the Charleston Hypnosis Center & the American Hypnosis & Coaching Academy, I can say that one of my specialties is helping people manage or overcome stress.  Moreover, in the past decade, the number of clients seeking solutions beyond traditional counseling and medications for deep seated anxiety, depression, and trauma related problems has increasingly grown.

I have been personally challenged to put my professional strategies to the test as I have navigated through loss of a best friend to brain cancer, divorce, children going off to college, and now the Covid-19 pandemic.

For myself, I created a mental arsenal of techniques I could practice, one or more steps I would take every single day for staying on top of my stress.  Because I knew that if I didn’t, it would take its toll on my health, my relationships, my attitude and my success.

Before I Offer My Suggestions…Notice How I Won’t Say Practice Meditation? –

WHY? I am laughing as I write this because one very famous personal development author recommended this to people to start doing during the Covid Crisis.  My first reaction was a big hearty laugh!   Personally, as difficult as the practice is for most people, I was thinking that if you haven’t been practicing quieting your mind regularly, you could be setting yourself up for failure if you try to meditate NOW.  I recently took some Krav Maga self-defense classes.  One of the philosophies is to practice self-defense moves repeatedly so when the real danger comes, your self-defense measures are automatic and second nature. 

If you can meditate already, ABSOLUTELY BE MEDITATING!  If you can’t, practice positive visualization and appreciation instead (See #6 & #7 below). It has the same basic physiological benefits as silent meditation like calming respiration, heart rate and increasing circulation.

Here are 7 Ways to Have Calm Under Stress of Covid-19

1)      Shift from a State of Fear to a Healthy Sense of Caution – This means take action.  Self-distance.  Prepare.  Do whatever you can do to stay safe and keep others safe.  Then, say to yourself, “I did the best that I can do to stay safe and healthy.  Now, I have to let it go of worrying about the aspects I can’t control.  Worrying and staying in fear over the aspects of this pandemic that you cannot control are just creating more stress hormones in your body which can impact sleep, digestion, focus, mood and healthy immunity. 

2)     Speak Gratitude for Your Health – This retrains your mind to focus on the good in your life instead of focusing on your worst fears. Say out loud affirmations like the following, “I am thankful for my health.  I am thankful for my body.  I am thankful for healthy immunity.  I am thankful for being healthy right now.”  Now is the perfect time to focus on appreciation of ALL that you have going that is good in your life including your health.

3)     Acknowledge What You Love About Your Home – Too often we take the basics for granted like our health and our home until something like Covid-19 happens. When we acknowledge what we love, we are focusing on the positive. Do you love your sofa or your bed? Your pillow?!  When you are sitting or lying in them, say out loud, “I love this sofa!  I love my bed!” Do you have flowers growing this spring?  Say, “I love these azaleas, they’re so pretty!” or “These roses are so beautiful!” This goes beyond gratitude.  The mind is programmed to focus on what we concentrate on and what we concentrate on grows in our awareness. 

4)     Embrace Your Emotions – There are no BAD emotions.   It takes a lot of energy and work to suppress stressful emotions.  Cry if you feel like crying.  It’s okay to be angry, just don’t hit anyone or break anything (that’s what I used to tell my kids).  If you feel anxious, remember the symptoms of anxiety are always preceded by an anxious story.  Ask yourself, “How’s that story working for me?”  Then, tell a different one.

5)     Minimize Exposure to the News and Social Media – lf you find yourself more anxious and stressed after listening to the news or reading, go on a news and social media diet. Once or twice a day updates READING the news and scrolling on social media will greatly lower your stress. This is especially true for EMPATHS or Highly Sensitive People. 

6)     Spend Time Focusing on Desired Outcomes – It is very difficult to tell yourself during times like this NOT to worry.  Not to project unwanted scenarios.  The subconscious mind is wired to keep you prepared for the worst and in, simplistic terms, to avoid pain.  Use your downtime to imagine and journal about the highest and best outcome for yourself and your family members through all of this. 

7)     Make Finding the Silver Lining Your Superpower – In the Hypnosis and NLP world, this is called reframing.  Your brain keys off how you think of something NOT on what’s real.  For your own inner calm and for your children, make it a game, then a strength and then your SUPERPOWER to seek the positive in every situation.  Become relentless about telling a positive story about what is happening.

Finally, I am grateful for each of you that have taken the time to read this far.  Let’s all throw up our hands and say a collective gratitude prayer, “Thank Goodness for Toilet Paper!”

Don't Let Fear of Failure Hold You Back!

CEO of Spanx, Sara Blakely, Shares Her Thoughts on Failure.

So many of my coaching clients discuss their fear of failure. Some are immobilized to take desired action from fear. Others from perfectionism. When I watched Sara’s video for the first time, I was inspired that she grew up with such a positive mindset around failure. Mindset drives our behaviors, our reponses, everything! Watch and get inspired!

Empowered Communication: How to Do Thanksgiving Dinner without a Side of Drama

It seems like almost every year, Hollywood comes out with a movie that portrays the humor and sorrow of families coming together over the holidays.  Chances are if you are participating in a family gathering you’ll be interacting with one or more people with whom you don't see eye to eye. 

There are very artful and diplomatic ways to respond to the difficult people in your life.  

Here are a few empowered communication tips to help you enjoy a more harmonious holiday experience with friends and family. Try one or more of them next time you get into a heated discussion with someone or when someone is criticizing you.

Tip #1:  Disengage or Duck.   

In Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book on success, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” he asserts, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."  The idea is that even if you think you've won the argument, you haven't if one or both of you is left feeling negative.

Have you ever met anyone that loves to argue?  Someone who will “beat the proverbially dead horse” and go on and on until they’ve convinced you to agree their side of the argument?  When you find yourself in an uncomfortable discussion, disengage if the conversation gets heated.  This means, just observe.  Listen but say nothing.  

Moreover, don't defend yourself unless you absolutely must. 

"Many adults are like grown children. They love to argue," says Psychoanalyst, Dr. Aaron Lederer, a child specialist on defiant children and author of "Taming the Wild Child." "Certain children and adults, for that matter, will continue to argue as long as you are responding to their statements.  Because in their minds, they think that as long as the conversation continues, they have a chance to win," he explains.

He suggests that if you can't disengage, duck out.  Excuse yourself from the situation.  Make a phone call. Go walk the dog... Or the cat.

Tip #2: Agree with the TRUTH

Instead of defending, explaining or justifying, which simply hands the other person more fuel to disagree or attack, instead, agree with the person. 

Look for points in the conversation where you are in agreement with what he or she is saying.  When it's the truth or your truth, repeat that part back and agree truthfully. 

Here’s an example. 

Imagine, your brother in-law is complaining. He’s angry that his candidate didn’t get elected.  You can authentically commiserate, “I agree. It was a very stressful election!”  You don’t have to tell him you voted for the other candidate. 

Tip #3. Agree with the POSSIBILITY

Instead of defending yourself, your point of view and pointing out what you disagree with in their logic or assertion, agree that whatever the person is saying is possible.  Just say, “That's possible.”

Here’s how it works….

“Global warming is not really a problem.”  That’s possible.

“Kids these days.  They act so entitled.”  That’s possible.

I mean if you REALLY think about it, anything is possible!  The earth could shift on its axis tomorrow and there would be no more Thanksgivings.   It's possible.  I PROMISE this technique will avert arguments, stop the other person in their tracks and what’s more. . . . They will feel heard.

Tip #4:  Acknowledge Their Point of View

When you acknowledge another person’s point of view, you may do yourself the favor of saving time and energy.  Once the person feels heard, acknowledged or validated, they move on. 

To do this, acknowledge their point of view by saying, “That’s an interesting perspective,” or “That’s an interesting way to look at it.”   When you use this type of response, the energy you're giving the person is open instead of defensive.    You will be surprised how often that this simple statement, curtails the conversation.  

Tip #5:  Thank the Person for Caring

Use this if someone is criticizing you.  Typically, a parent or "loving relative."  To do this, listen to the critique.  Don't defend. Wait until their done and say, “That’s sweet how much care."

I know what some of you are thinking right now.  “There's no way I can say that without sounding sarcastic!"

You've got to try this one.  When you say it sincerely, you've artfully ended the conversation without agreeing or disagreeing with their criticisms.  Done. Conversation over!  

In my coaching sessions, I teach empowered communication skills for successful leadership.  Once, I was coaching a client named Nicole for some job situations and she happened to mention she had a very critical mother.  She ended up using this empowered communication with mom.  Some of you may relate to her story…. 

Nicole was at the Thanksgiving gathering with several other family members sitting around before the big meal.  It was at that precise moment that Nicole’s mother began to publicly criticize her hair color, “Is Sarah down at Tresses still doing your hair?  You know I don’t really think she’s that good.  I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while that your hair color isn’t flattering.  You really need to do something about it.” 

When Nicole’s mother stopped expressing her “motherly concern,” members in the room looked at Nicole and held their breath. 

Speaking with a smile and genuine sincerity, she replied, “Thanks mom.  That’s so sweet how much you care.”  Then, she changed the subject.  Her mother straightened up, smiled, and seemed satisfied and the conversation moved on.

Personally, I've used this one many times and it always works.  Step into your highest self. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view with sincerity.  I promise you will feel in control. You will not feel like you are giving in -- it will empower you.  Best of all, you will be perceived as more confident and powerful.

Tip #6:  Play Adele!

Here’s where my sense of humor comes in.  I give this last suggestion jokingly but if you like to laugh, check it out!  SNL did a skit about Thanksgiving conflict.  A family and their friends are sitting at the dining table and several family members begin verbally attacking each other.  Several times the heated discussions reach a peak. The little girl runs to the boom box and plays Adele.  Watch what happens!

The skit is really more than funny, it makes a very insightful observation that oftentimes what we criticize in others, we are disowning within ourselves. Watch closely and you will see how they artfully make the point!

My gratitude towards each of you is that you took the time to read my advice.  Thank you!  I hope each of you have a great holiday season! Don’t take anything personally! And remember to smile!

There's only one thing that can keep a family (Beck Bennett, Jay Pharoah, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant, Matthew McConaughey, Kate McKinnon, Vanessa Bayer) from fighting at Thanksgiving: Adele.

Empowering Your Mind to Create a Breakthrough

One of the most popular complaints I hear from potential clients is that they feel stuck.  It's that situation where you cognitively KNOW how you want to be thinking and behaving but it's just not happening.  There's a big disconnect.

Maybe it's getting up an hour earlier to work on your book or exercise.

Maybe it's that diet you've wanted to start or the bad habit you know you need to end.

Maybe it's the unhealthy relationship you've been in and you know it's what you want but you can't quit the person either.

These undesirable patterns can painfully go on for months, even years.  Overtime, they zap your energy, your motivation, your productivity and most of all your confidence.

And it's not for lack of trying....I can’t tell you how many times someone comes to me complaining their stuck and they have spent hours, months, even years…. reading, researching, seeking advice from experts only to keep spinning their wheels without a breakthrough.  

That’s because logic often falls short when it comes to solving a problem. 

For those of you who have worked with me for a while, you may know that my sessions are very different than anything else you’ve tried.  Why?  Because, I have a unique and rapid system to break the "stuck" patterns which I call a Whole Brained Problem Solving. 

And it’s not just something I use.  It’s something I teach. 

You know that old idea of giving someone the fishing pole not just the fish? 

Here’s how it works…

First, I use a coaching technique to hone in within minutes and readily identify the limiting beliefs and thought patterns that are holding you back.  That’s the left brain part.

Second, I pull out the big guns:) 

I use an arsenal of right brain, creative problem solving techniques including hypnosis, introspective imagery, NLP, and even regression work to go even deeper and find the hidden roadblocks that are holding you back.  The ones that you might never discover otherwise because they are not logical.  They wouldn’t seem to be related at a conscious level.

Frequently, this is the missing piece for people.  (Or I could say “missing peace.”)

The result …..

(COACHING + HYPNOSIS)

(LEFT BRAIN PROBLEM SOLVING + RIGHT BRAIN PROBLEM SOVLING)

= ACCELERATE BREAKTHROUGHS!

Often in one hour, you’ve made a breakthrough after struggling for years. 

Whole Brained Problem Solving occurs when you employ both left brain and right brain problem solving techniques in one session.   The two approaches combined created a synergistic effect which leverages your results over time when you receive custom recordings for reinforcement.

To sum up, Whole Brained Problem Solving is at once a powerful coaching method, an introspective, creative problem solving practice and a pathway towards rapid breakthroughs.

Whatever prompts you to explore this experience — from anxiety to overcoming a habit to personal & relationship development to spiritual growth —  Whole Brained Problem Solving as an ongoing practice can support rapid change as well as positive and lasting shifts. 

Moreover, Whole Brained Problem Solving gives you an edge in life and in business. 

So if you want to be more successful, you’ve got to start using Whole Brained Problem Solving and give yourself an inner advantage over your competition.

If you have any questions about how Whole Brained Problem Solving might enhance your life or give you an edge, please let me know.

And speaking of time… A shift in our experience of time is part of what happens through the Whole Brained Problem Solving. This is clearer in experience than from words, but I’ll try to offer a glimpse.

In each of the Whole Brain Problem Solving sessions, something quite fundamental shifts in how we experience the world, and who we experience ourselves to be. As part of this, our way of experiencing time itself shifts. And this is one of the reasons why the method tends to naturally dissolve our unhealthy emotional reactions, and other “stuck” patterns. (To have an emotional reaction, we have to code cause and effect in a certain way through time. When this crumbles our emotional reactivity dissolves.)

The more I practice Whole Brain Problem Solving, the more I experience an ability to be in the moment. Perhaps, that’s because it has allowed me to perceive a stronger sense of control over my experiences and a greater confidence in myself to handle whatever life throws at me. 

If you are feeling stuck with something or looking for an edge, contact me and let’s explore what this work could unlock and unleash for you!

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Empowering Yourself to Get Unstuck!

It's actually not that hard to create a life that's really flowing, full of love and energy.

At one point, my life used to be a real struggle. I had inherited that "farmer" mentality from my parents and grandparents who grew up on dairy farms in the South. I believed that if I wanted to achieve anything of real value, I had to work hard and struggle for it. I'd get upset when things weren't the way I thought they were supposed to be.  I'd get down on myself if I wasn't pushing, pushing, pushing to get ahead.

I know now that life doesn't have to feel this way. And it's actually pretty easy to turn things around. All it requires is willingness. The willingness to look at your thoughts and beliefs and a willingness to admit when they aren't supporting you in greater levels of peace and happiness.

When I developed a debilitating bout of chronic fatigue when my children were toddlers, I had to give up the struggle.  I had to stop beating myself up and feeling guilty for not being Super-Mom, do it all, successful biz owner.  I got humbled and I had to let people help me. 

I had to draw stronger boundaries with my time and my commitments.  I had to even take things off my plate that I enjoyed when my body told me to rest. 

What was most infuriating is that the doctor told me, “We don’t really know what causes chronic fatigue.  Frankly, there’s no cure for it.”  It's the most obvious, logical thing in the world when a doctor tells you, there's no cure your illness to believe it. I felt stuck.

The turning point in healing from my chronic fatigue came with two MINDSET breakthroughs.

First, this "good" girl got defiant! 

Which meant I refused to believe that I was stuck with the chronic fatigue - mystery illness!  I kept affirming to myself, "I am drawing to me, the people and circumstances that I need to get healthy and well again." 

Let’s be clear.  This is not a DOING, PUSHING, STRUGGLING action. In fact, it is the opposite.  It’s a MAGNETIC pull using the power of the creative mind to draw to me what I need by visualizing the intended outcome and allowing my subconscious mind to work on the solutions while my conscious mind is busy doing other things. 

Second, the solution to healing was not a body thing.  It was a mind, body, spirit thing!  So I changed my sleep patterns.  Then, I used hypnosis to clear the stressful emotions and wounded spirit that were connected to my dis-ease. 

These two mindset shifts were the lynchpin.  Draw to you your solution.  Address the problem on all levels of body and mind.

Next time, you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed.  Ask yourself, what am pushing for or against?  Must you struggle?  Or can you shift your mindset to support you in success with more grace and ease?

Try it.

1)  REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE STUCK!  Because the minute you do that, you will stop looking for solutions and your subconscious mind which is a wealth of information and resources far beyond the conscious mind will stop as well.  Just tell yourself, "I don't know the solution at the moment, but I will find it or I will meet someone who can help." Or use the affirmation I used above.  Your subconscious is far more resourceful than you can imagine, it works on solutions in the background while your conscious mind is busy doing other things.  That's why a name you've forgotten will pop in later or long after the test is over, you recall the information you thought you had forgotten.  If you come to rely on this ability to use your subconscious for problem solving, it will enhance and become a source of confidence and wisdom for you.

2)  OPEN YOUR MIND TO SEE ALL ASPECTS OF A PROBLEM.   Many times when you are stuck, it is because you are not addressing your problem from a whole brain perspective. Put bluntly, sometimes analysis and logic is not enough.  Oftentimes, there are hidden factors contributing to a problem whether they be emotional, unconscious, hidden mindsets or belief patterns.   If you have a health issue, consider if stressful emotions are playing into the illness or disease.  Also consider the possibility that the illness provides a payoff or gain for you on deeper hidden level. I worked with a client who had migraines for years.  Through hypnotherapy, she discovered that they served the purpose of giving her an excuse to stay home from work, a job that she had grown to hate.  Once she became conscious of this, she chose to quit her job!  No more migraines. 

Years ago, I quit engineering to make it my mission to help anyone who feels stuck.  If I can help you, I would be honored to do so.

Meanwhile, sending you much light and love.  The world needs your unique talents and light.  You are meant to #makeadifference

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3 Reasons You Should Take More Vacation Time

Grand Mayan Pools at Riviera Maya, Mexico - Empowerment Retreats

I decided last year that I was committing myself to more vacation days.  And can I tell you how HARD that was for me?  Way more than you would probably guess as I am not one who likes to be in debt.  

Owning a business where I provide services has always meant, when I don’t work, I don’t get paid.  So vacations were always something to really think twice about.  Interestingly, according to two separate surveys by Forbes and a national market research firm, even most Americans who are given paid vacation by their companies don’t take all of it.  Here are 3 reasons, I decided to commit to it and why I think you should as well.

Reason #1 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Self-care.  You hear this buzz word quite a bit lately.  It’s funny that many people have a hard time taking 30 minutes out of their day for exercise because there’s always some house chore to do that seems to take priority instead.  Or, if you are like me and you own a business, there’s always something you could be doing to manage or grow your business.  However, when you are on vacation, the laundry, the dishes, and your business are far away.  No excuses to relax, get moving, and have fun!

Reason #2 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Make Happy Memories with Your Kids.  I vowed a couple years ago after my best friend died  that I would spend less money on gifts and more time taking vacations with my family.  I don’t think my two teenagers could tell you what they received for Christmas in 2014, maybe not even what they received this past Christmas of 2015!  However, they do remember very vivid details about our trip to Bryson City, North Carolina, three summers ago, where we rented a cabin by a stream and went tubing and white water rafting.  I hope my kids will have an arsenal of happy vacations in their minds and hearts by the time they go to college.

Reason #3 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Defying Fears Around Money.  I stopped working nights and weekends several years ago when I realized that the only reason I did was because I was in fear around money.  I needed to stop telling myself a “lack” story and believe that the money would come without sacrificing my health and my values for family.  Now, nights and weekends are for family.  Period.   

Then, in the past year, in addition to family vacations,  I have donated four weeks of my time to my favorite charity, Send Me On Vacation. I travel out of the country to perform emotional healing and recovery workshops for breast cancer survivors.  By refusing to worry about what missing a month from work would do to my business bottom line, I have gained so much more… including experience in performing workshops abroad, on cruise ships, and the extremely nourishing and WONDERFUL opportunity to make new friends during each week that I have spent on those trips!

Interestingly for me, whenever I come back from a vacation, I have a so much more energy for my business that it seems to act as a catalyst to bring in more income!  

I would love to hear your thoughts about this article.  Thanks in advance for sharing and I hope your summer is filled with laughter, sunlight, time well spent on vacation making many good memories.

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Empowering Yourself on a Lonely Valentine’s Day

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

— Rumi

I have been thinking about each of you.   It’s February, which is typically associated with love and the heart.   And yet, I know for many of you Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of the love you don’t feel or have in your life.

Many people struggle to move past the pain of divorce, break-up, and infidelity.  They feel stuck because logically they know they want to let go and move on but something deeper holds them back.

This is problem because the toxic emotions and ruminating on the past can drastically drain your mental and emotional energy.

Another reason this is a problem is because it can sabotage your confidence creating a lack of self-trust and self-worth when it comes to new relationships.

The good news is that once you have an effective strategy showing you how to clear you subconscious blocks, you can reclaim you confidence and self-worth and unleash a chain reaction of abundance in your life, abundance in the area of love, financial freedom and even living your BIG mission!

On a wish and a dare, my life changed one day when I decided to try hypnosis to help me with depression.  The healing that occurred was so rapid and so powerful for me that I quit a high paying engineering job to become a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and help other heal their hidden barriers to overcoming problem emotions.

Along the way, I realized that I had created a formula for moving past the pain of divorce and breakup that broke all the rules of traditional options.

Now, after 20 years of working with thousands of clients behind closed doors, I’ve begun to share my proven, time tested, rapid breakthrough strategies for helping men and women heal to the world!  With the new technology on the internet allowing for everyone to use MP3 downloads and Skype along with the convenience of mobile devices, I have actually been working with clients all over the U.S. and in other countries!

I call this program Heal Your Heart.

 This program will help you rapidly and powerfully:

• Release the mental habit of ruminating on the past.
• Reclaim your worth in life and in love.
• Stop obsessing on your ex.
• Take back your power and reclaim your energy.
• Release the subconscious barriers keeping you from moving forward.
• Stop the cycle of addictive thinking and ruminating on the past.
• Release the toxic emotions and become emotionally empowered.
• Rebuild your confidence and self-trust
• Love yourself and know you are a prize!

I love showing my clients how to heal their heart and move on because something unexpected happens.  Suddenly, you find hope and energy and you are doing amazing things! Is it your turn?  Contact me and let's find out!

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Empowered to Move On: How Hypnosis Can Help You Forget Your "Ex"

“Can you hypnotize me to forget about someone?”  I hear that request more often than you might expect.   The demise of a relationship, even one we know should or must end, can cause severe psychological and emotional stress.  In ancient cultures, there is a core belief that when we suffer an emotional or physical trauma, a part our essence or soul flees the body in order to survive the experience. A shaman or healer would be called in to perform a ritual called “Soul Retrieval” which was considered crucial to the person’s healing process.  As a Hypnotherapist, I understand the value of this philosophy and have had the honor to guide many clients through a modern day version of Soul Retrieval using hypnosis to help them heal emotionally, and move forward.

Here are some real life stories about how Hypnosis has helped my clients to heal after a break-up or divorce.  (The names have been changed for privacy.)

Stories of Betrayal Haunted Him:  Jim had been divorced for two years.  His wife had been the love of his life.  She cheated on him with a best friend and the two went through a very bitter, ugly divorce. The whole experience left him “gun-shy” to date again for fear of getting hurt.  In a very powerful hypnosis session, Jim was able to release the negative emotions from that experience and gain a much needed sense of closure helping him to feel free to move on.

The Ex-Boyfriend Who Haunted Her Dreams:  Carrie had been married for over ten years when she came to get help with recurring dreams about an ex-boyfriend. It had been years since the breakup of her college sweetheart and first love of her life.  Despite time passing and marrying another man, she kept dreaming that she was back at school, desperately trying to find her first love. She would frequently wake up frustrated and sad.  Hypnosis helped her to understand the purpose of her recurring dream, gain some deep inner wisdom and the dreams stopped.

Obsession with the Other Man:  Anne was married to a great guy. She described him as the perfect, loving, husband and father to their three children.  Despite ideal circumstances, she found herself falling in love with another man she had met through work.  Even though she knew it was wrong, she entered into a one night stand with the co-worker followed by a deep and intense emotional affair which they conducted via emails and texting.  Anne knew that this love addiction would destroy her marriage if didn’t stop.  She sought help from a skilled therapist and simultaneously used hypnosis to uncover and clear the unconscious reasons that compelled her obsession.

She Couldn’t Say Goodbye to a Soul Mate:  Susan found herself stuck in a long-term relationship that she knew was unhealthy for her.  Her boyfriend treated her disrespectfully, often criticizing her in public and flirting with other women in her presence.  On several occasions, she had even caught him cheating with other women.  Each time that she would end the relationship, deep feelings of abandonment and grief overwhelmed her and she would end up take her cheating boyfriend back.  In a past life hypnosis session, Sue remembered two previous lives with this man.   In both, they had been husband and wife and circumstances had caused his untimely death which left her feeling devastated and alone.  After hypnosis, Susan felt empowered to end her relationship with this man in this life.

These cases are just a few examples of the after effects caused by the psychological and emotional stress from a painful break-up or divorce.  Here are some common symptoms that can be related to unresolved pain or grief:

• Feeling Emotionally Detached or Numb

• Habitual Replaying of Past Conversations or Memories

• Debilitating Fear of Getting Hurt Again

• Obsession with the Lost Lover

• Grief that Has Not Healed

• Anger that Doesn’t Dissipate or Transfers to Other People in Your Life

• Problems with Forgiveness

• Victim Mentality

• Insomnia or Stressful Dreams Related to the Break-Up

• Headaches and Other Physical Problems

• Post Traumatic Stress

• Manifestation or Worsening of Addictions to Numb Emotional Loss and Pain

• Immune System Deficiencies Caused by PTSD

• Hopelessness or Depression

• Feel Like a Part of You is Dead or Gone

If you are experiencing any of these problems, seek advice from a medical doctor or licensed mental health professional before using a complimentary health modality like hypnosis.
Carolyn Myss, the best-selling author of several books on the subject of the mind-body connection to health and healing believes “the emotional energy we divert focusing on painful memories, or in our efforts to suppress them, is the single most common cause of illness and disease.”

The truth is hypnosis can’t make you forget the one who caused you heartache.  However,  you can use hypnosis and other similar modalities that have the ability to go deeper than logic and act as powerful catalysts to help you heal emotionally and release the addictive thoughts that often plague us after break-up and divorce.
If you resonate with the stories in this article and are interested in getting my help with your own personal healing journey,  apply for a free discovery session with me.

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Gratitude: The Subtle Power Within.

This year, I bought something called “Pak-Its” that go inside the lunch sacks for my two children. Each “Pak-It” contains four compartments; one for a sandwich, and three others for snacks, fruit, chips, etc. Each day, I try to surprise my kids with a variety of fruit and snacks. I love to see their smiling faces and hear them express so much gratitude from something as mundane and simple as what’s in a lunchbox!

Why is it as we get older, many of us have a hard time appreciating the simple things in life? Perhaps, it’s because life becomes more complicated. Or is it something else?

Years ago, I remember I was really struggling with appreciating my life. At the time, I was living in a constant state of fear and anxiety around money. My husband had been out of work for almost a year. If he didn’t find a job soon, we were going to lose our home. Typical to someone who is in financial straits, I found myself ruminating constantly on thoughts like…”Where will we move if we lose the house? Could we bring our dog to an apartment? Could we find an apartment in the same school district? What furniture would we keep?”

The subconscious mind will obsess on unwanted outcomes. The perception is that if we worry, we can somehow avoid the negative consequences we fear. Or in the very least be prepared for the worst.

Seeking a positive focus, I joined a women’s empowerment group that met weekly. I will never forget the first meeting with these funny, spiritual women. Starved for inspiration and light, their energy instantly uplifted me. The hostess introduced me and then led the group in a standard opening activity which was called, “Gratitudes.” This meant that each woman in the group was asked to share at least one thing for which she was grateful that took place in the previous week. In this way, each woman got to share a piece of her life as we simultaneously engaged in co-creating positive energy.

If you’ve ever been through a time in your life when you feel like you are in survival mode and everything is a struggle, you might relate when I say, that for the longest time, I had a hard time thinking of a “gratitude.” My mind was locked into a non-stop chatter of anxious driven dialogue like, “My husband is out work. We are struggling financially. We may lose our home. The kids are arguing. I’m exhausted. What will we do?” And on and on….

Over the course of several weeks, something inside must have shifted though. A new habit of looking for the good must have been fostering a new perspective because something out of the ordinary happened the night before Thanksgiving. I indulged a few dollars and went out with friends to a local restaurant to hear live music. The band was energetic and fun! The loud music was a welcome infusion of positive energy!

Later on that evening, I walked down the hall to the back of the building towards the restrooms. Out of the abrupt silence. I heard a single sentence inside my head, “What you fear most will set you free.” I stopped in my tracks. What did that mean? It was my voice….but the way that the sentence was phrased was not how I would normally speak. It reminded me of something Obi-wan Kenobe would say to a student to whom he teaches the ways of the Jedi.

I laughed and asked myself, “What was my worst fear at that moment?” Losing our home? Yes. Well, what if we lost our home? What’s the worst that would happen? So, we move into an apartment. So what! A rush of energy and relief flowed through me. Me, my husband, my children… we are all healthy! Suddenly, I felt light and a feeling of immense gratitude for our safety and health flowed through me. I felt a deep inner calm that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

That was a turning point in my soul. The point when I was able to see the glass half full in life despite life’s struggles.

I continued to participate in the women’s group weekly for many years. Over time, my “gratitudes” became more plentiful. The simple things in life like a comfortable bed and bird singing outside my window bring me joy. This continues to occur despite times when life has been extremely stressful for me. Like when a huge family inheritance was lost. And especially, when my best friend and godmother to my two children died of brain cancer.

Gratitude is a lifeboat that keeps your spirit afloat even in difficult times.

You can’t inflate your “lifeboat” all at once though. You must breathe life into it daily to keep it inflated and uplifting you. It’s okay to start small. Maybe it’s just gratitude for a soft pillow and indoor plumbing.

A friend of mine named Ben is a retired CFO of a major corporation. In his retirement, he has turned to studying Peruvian shamanism and now practices as a healer. Spending time with him is such a delight. He constantly whispers phrases of gratitude under his breath. I hear him say, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!” when he begins a healing. I hear him say it when things go well and when things don’t. He is one of the happiest people I know.

From my own life and those I’ve watched, I believe that what you focus on is what you attract. And if you concentrate on looking for experiences and people to appreciate, the more you will live in a state of appreciation and bliss. And when life challenges you, look for the little things to appreciate like lunchboxes to inflate your lifeboat.

May your blessings be plentiful this holiday season!

Namaste.

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Overcoming a Phobia: The Story of Radio Personality Brooke Ryan & Her Fear of Fish

Radio Show series detailing Brooke Ryan's journey with Rebecca Shaw from Charleston Hypnosis Center out of phobic fear of fish and water to being fearless!

Summary:  Brooke Ryan is a local radio show host of Charleston's Mix96 Radio show in the morning called "Two Girls and a Guy."  This podcast series shares Brooke’s week by week experience over the radio working with Rebecca to overcome her lifetime phobia of fish.  

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How I Discovered the Power of Hypnosis

I moved to southern California at the age of 25. I distinctly remember the gratitude I felt. What wasn’t there to love about my life? I lived a half block from the sand in Newport Beach, drove a cute, and fully paid for Volkswagon Cabriolet convertible, had made many friends, and was earning a good salary working as an environmental engineer.
Despite this idyllic life, I experienced regular bouts of debilitating anxiety and depression that would roll over me like the morning fog coming off the Pacific Ocean. I would try to talk myself out of the feelings by reminding myself of how wonderful my life was. It didn’t work and I felt stuck.

Newport Beach, California

It’s funny how you know something is really wrong inside when your life is so good that you can’t blame your unhappiness on anything or anyone around you.

My best friend suggested counseling. I resisted. Not because I didn’t believe in the effectiveness of therapy but because I had been through so much of it already. I knew that my anxious worries and fears were irrational. Due to my father’s alcoholism, I had participated in all kinds of therapeutic counseling including Ala-Teen, family intervention therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and psychotherapy from age 16 to age 24. Looking back, the therapy helped immensely.  It helped me to detach from the dysfunction, stop feeling like a victim, and most of all, gain the powerful understanding that my thoughts create my emotions.  So why was I still feeling so stuck?

I asked myself, “What could they tell me that I haven’t already heard? That I don’t already know?” I know my anxiety is irrational. I know how I am supposed to be thinking and feeling to be happy but it’s not happening!

I had heard about hypnotherapy and that it could effect deeper levels of change than what we can reach consciously. Frankly, I always have had the attitude, “I’ll try anything once. ” So, I looked in the yellow pages of my local phone book (back before google and the internet) and found a list of Clinical hypnotherapists in my area. I remember picking a woman named Laurie Miller because she looked friendly and “normal.”

I will never forget my first session. I walked in there desperate for relief from my destructive and debilitating thoughts. I didn’t know what to expect. Immediately, she made me feel safe and comfortable. I told her that I felt irrational anxiety and often felt depressed despite how happy I was with my job and friends and where I lived. hen, she began the process of hypnosis with me.

She guided me to the first source of the anxiety and sadness and I found myself remembering a scene from age ten where I had gotten hurt falling off my bicycle and my pain and emotional needs were ridiculed which left me feeling anxious and sad. That night I felt tired and I slept hard. Then, I will never forget. Two days later, I felt physically and emotionally lighter! Like I had lost 15 pounds! I had no clue on the conscious level that so much emotion was still being held in my subconscious around that story.

The hypnosis session was so powerful and healing for me that I went back several more times to continue the process.  “Let’s keep purging!” I exclaimed to the hypnotherapist.

Looking back, that first session was like opening a door to a deeper part of myself that I hadn’t been able to access with prior healing modalities.

Over the course of the next few weeks and several more sessions, I was able to clear my emotional baggage and begin to master my thoughts and emotions. I was able to finally break the patterns of anxiety and depression that had been destroying my peace and happiness.

The process so profoundly transformed me that I quit engineering to help others the way that I was once helped years ago. It is my mission to help those who know they want to behave or feel differently and want to make it happen on the deeper level where it is felt and known mind, body, and soul.

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