Don't Let Fear of Failure Hold You Back!

CEO of Spanx, Sara Blakely, Shares Her Thoughts on Failure.

So many of my coaching clients discuss their fear of failure. Some are immobilized to take desired action from fear. Others from perfectionism. When I watched Sara’s video for the first time, I was inspired that she grew up with such a positive mindset around failure. Mindset drives our behaviors, our reponses, everything! Watch and get inspired!

Empowered Communication: How to Do Thanksgiving Dinner without a Side of Drama

It seems like almost every year, Hollywood comes out with a movie that portrays the humor and sorrow of families coming together over the holidays.  Chances are if you are participating in a family gathering you’ll be interacting with one or more people with whom you don't see eye to eye. 

There are very artful and diplomatic ways to respond to the difficult people in your life.  

Here are a few empowered communication tips to help you enjoy a more harmonious holiday experience with friends and family. Try one or more of them next time you get into a heated discussion with someone or when someone is criticizing you.

Tip #1:  Disengage or Duck.   

In Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book on success, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” he asserts, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."  The idea is that even if you think you've won the argument, you haven't if one or both of you is left feeling negative.

Have you ever met anyone that loves to argue?  Someone who will “beat the proverbially dead horse” and go on and on until they’ve convinced you to agree their side of the argument?  When you find yourself in an uncomfortable discussion, disengage if the conversation gets heated.  This means, just observe.  Listen but say nothing.  

Moreover, don't defend yourself unless you absolutely must. 

"Many adults are like grown children. They love to argue," says Psychoanalyst, Dr. Aaron Lederer, a child specialist on defiant children and author of "Taming the Wild Child." "Certain children and adults, for that matter, will continue to argue as long as you are responding to their statements.  Because in their minds, they think that as long as the conversation continues, they have a chance to win," he explains.

He suggests that if you can't disengage, duck out.  Excuse yourself from the situation.  Make a phone call. Go walk the dog... Or the cat.

Tip #2: Agree with the TRUTH

Instead of defending, explaining or justifying, which simply hands the other person more fuel to disagree or attack, instead, agree with the person. 

Look for points in the conversation where you are in agreement with what he or she is saying.  When it's the truth or your truth, repeat that part back and agree truthfully. 

Here’s an example. 

Imagine, your brother in-law is complaining. He’s angry that his candidate didn’t get elected.  You can authentically commiserate, “I agree. It was a very stressful election!”  You don’t have to tell him you voted for the other candidate. 

Tip #3. Agree with the POSSIBILITY

Instead of defending yourself, your point of view and pointing out what you disagree with in their logic or assertion, agree that whatever the person is saying is possible.  Just say, “That's possible.”

Here’s how it works….

“Global warming is not really a problem.”  That’s possible.

“Kids these days.  They act so entitled.”  That’s possible.

I mean if you REALLY think about it, anything is possible!  The earth could shift on its axis tomorrow and there would be no more Thanksgivings.   It's possible.  I PROMISE this technique will avert arguments, stop the other person in their tracks and what’s more. . . . They will feel heard.

Tip #4:  Acknowledge Their Point of View

When you acknowledge another person’s point of view, you may do yourself the favor of saving time and energy.  Once the person feels heard, acknowledged or validated, they move on. 

To do this, acknowledge their point of view by saying, “That’s an interesting perspective,” or “That’s an interesting way to look at it.”   When you use this type of response, the energy you're giving the person is open instead of defensive.    You will be surprised how often that this simple statement, curtails the conversation.  

Tip #5:  Thank the Person for Caring

Use this if someone is criticizing you.  Typically, a parent or "loving relative."  To do this, listen to the critique.  Don't defend. Wait until their done and say, “That’s sweet how much care."

I know what some of you are thinking right now.  “There's no way I can say that without sounding sarcastic!"

You've got to try this one.  When you say it sincerely, you've artfully ended the conversation without agreeing or disagreeing with their criticisms.  Done. Conversation over!  

In my coaching sessions, I teach empowered communication skills for successful leadership.  Once, I was coaching a client named Nicole for some job situations and she happened to mention she had a very critical mother.  She ended up using this empowered communication with mom.  Some of you may relate to her story…. 

Nicole was at the Thanksgiving gathering with several other family members sitting around before the big meal.  It was at that precise moment that Nicole’s mother began to publicly criticize her hair color, “Is Sarah down at Tresses still doing your hair?  You know I don’t really think she’s that good.  I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while that your hair color isn’t flattering.  You really need to do something about it.” 

When Nicole’s mother stopped expressing her “motherly concern,” members in the room looked at Nicole and held their breath. 

Speaking with a smile and genuine sincerity, she replied, “Thanks mom.  That’s so sweet how much you care.”  Then, she changed the subject.  Her mother straightened up, smiled, and seemed satisfied and the conversation moved on.

Personally, I've used this one many times and it always works.  Step into your highest self. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view with sincerity.  I promise you will feel in control. You will not feel like you are giving in -- it will empower you.  Best of all, you will be perceived as more confident and powerful.

Tip #6:  Play Adele!

Here’s where my sense of humor comes in.  I give this last suggestion jokingly but if you like to laugh, check it out!  SNL did a skit about Thanksgiving conflict.  A family and their friends are sitting at the dining table and several family members begin verbally attacking each other.  Several times the heated discussions reach a peak. The little girl runs to the boom box and plays Adele.  Watch what happens!

The skit is really more than funny, it makes a very insightful observation that oftentimes what we criticize in others, we are disowning within ourselves. Watch closely and you will see how they artfully make the point!

My gratitude towards each of you is that you took the time to read my advice.  Thank you!  I hope each of you have a great holiday season! Don’t take anything personally! And remember to smile!

There's only one thing that can keep a family (Beck Bennett, Jay Pharoah, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant, Matthew McConaughey, Kate McKinnon, Vanessa Bayer) from fighting at Thanksgiving: Adele.

Empowering Your Mind to Create a Breakthrough

One of the most popular complaints I hear from potential clients is that they feel stuck.  It's that situation where you cognitively KNOW how you want to be thinking and behaving but it's just not happening.  There's a big disconnect.

Maybe it's getting up an hour earlier to work on your book or exercise.

Maybe it's that diet you've wanted to start or the bad habit you know you need to end.

Maybe it's the unhealthy relationship you've been in and you know it's what you want but you can't quit the person either.

These undesirable patterns can painfully go on for months, even years.  Overtime, they zap your energy, your motivation, your productivity and most of all your confidence.

And it's not for lack of trying....I can’t tell you how many times someone comes to me complaining their stuck and they have spent hours, months, even years…. reading, researching, seeking advice from experts only to keep spinning their wheels without a breakthrough.  

That’s because logic often falls short when it comes to solving a problem. 

For those of you who have worked with me for a while, you may know that my sessions are very different than anything else you’ve tried.  Why?  Because, I have a unique and rapid system to break the "stuck" patterns which I call a Whole Brained Problem Solving. 

And it’s not just something I use.  It’s something I teach. 

You know that old idea of giving someone the fishing pole not just the fish? 

Here’s how it works…

First, I use a coaching technique to hone in within minutes and readily identify the limiting beliefs and thought patterns that are holding you back.  That’s the left brain part.

Second, I pull out the big guns:) 

I use an arsenal of right brain, creative problem solving techniques including hypnosis, introspective imagery, NLP, and even regression work to go even deeper and find the hidden roadblocks that are holding you back.  The ones that you might never discover otherwise because they are not logical.  They wouldn’t seem to be related at a conscious level.

Frequently, this is the missing piece for people.  (Or I could say “missing peace.”)

The result …..

(COACHING + HYPNOSIS)

(LEFT BRAIN PROBLEM SOLVING + RIGHT BRAIN PROBLEM SOVLING)

= ACCELERATE BREAKTHROUGHS!

Often in one hour, you’ve made a breakthrough after struggling for years. 

Whole Brained Problem Solving occurs when you employ both left brain and right brain problem solving techniques in one session.   The two approaches combined created a synergistic effect which leverages your results over time when you receive custom recordings for reinforcement.

To sum up, Whole Brained Problem Solving is at once a powerful coaching method, an introspective, creative problem solving practice and a pathway towards rapid breakthroughs.

Whatever prompts you to explore this experience — from anxiety to overcoming a habit to personal & relationship development to spiritual growth —  Whole Brained Problem Solving as an ongoing practice can support rapid change as well as positive and lasting shifts. 

Moreover, Whole Brained Problem Solving gives you an edge in life and in business. 

So if you want to be more successful, you’ve got to start using Whole Brained Problem Solving and give yourself an inner advantage over your competition.

If you have any questions about how Whole Brained Problem Solving might enhance your life or give you an edge, please let me know.

And speaking of time… A shift in our experience of time is part of what happens through the Whole Brained Problem Solving. This is clearer in experience than from words, but I’ll try to offer a glimpse.

In each of the Whole Brain Problem Solving sessions, something quite fundamental shifts in how we experience the world, and who we experience ourselves to be. As part of this, our way of experiencing time itself shifts. And this is one of the reasons why the method tends to naturally dissolve our unhealthy emotional reactions, and other “stuck” patterns. (To have an emotional reaction, we have to code cause and effect in a certain way through time. When this crumbles our emotional reactivity dissolves.)

The more I practice Whole Brain Problem Solving, the more I experience an ability to be in the moment. Perhaps, that’s because it has allowed me to perceive a stronger sense of control over my experiences and a greater confidence in myself to handle whatever life throws at me. 

If you are feeling stuck with something or looking for an edge, contact me and let’s explore what this work could unlock and unleash for you!

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Empowering Yourself to Get Unstuck!

It's actually not that hard to create a life that's really flowing, full of love and energy.

At one point, my life used to be a real struggle. I had inherited that "farmer" mentality from my parents and grandparents who grew up on dairy farms in the South. I believed that if I wanted to achieve anything of real value, I had to work hard and struggle for it. I'd get upset when things weren't the way I thought they were supposed to be.  I'd get down on myself if I wasn't pushing, pushing, pushing to get ahead.

I know now that life doesn't have to feel this way. And it's actually pretty easy to turn things around. All it requires is willingness. The willingness to look at your thoughts and beliefs and a willingness to admit when they aren't supporting you in greater levels of peace and happiness.

When I developed a debilitating bout of chronic fatigue when my children were toddlers, I had to give up the struggle.  I had to stop beating myself up and feeling guilty for not being Super-Mom, do it all, successful biz owner.  I got humbled and I had to let people help me. 

I had to draw stronger boundaries with my time and my commitments.  I had to even take things off my plate that I enjoyed when my body told me to rest. 

What was most infuriating is that the doctor told me, “We don’t really know what causes chronic fatigue.  Frankly, there’s no cure for it.”  It's the most obvious, logical thing in the world when a doctor tells you, there's no cure your illness to believe it. I felt stuck.

The turning point in healing from my chronic fatigue came with two MINDSET breakthroughs.

First, this "good" girl got defiant! 

Which meant I refused to believe that I was stuck with the chronic fatigue - mystery illness!  I kept affirming to myself, "I am drawing to me, the people and circumstances that I need to get healthy and well again." 

Let’s be clear.  This is not a DOING, PUSHING, STRUGGLING action. In fact, it is the opposite.  It’s a MAGNETIC pull using the power of the creative mind to draw to me what I need by visualizing the intended outcome and allowing my subconscious mind to work on the solutions while my conscious mind is busy doing other things. 

Second, the solution to healing was not a body thing.  It was a mind, body, spirit thing!  So I changed my sleep patterns.  Then, I used hypnosis to clear the stressful emotions and wounded spirit that were connected to my dis-ease. 

These two mindset shifts were the lynchpin.  Draw to you your solution.  Address the problem on all levels of body and mind.

Next time, you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed.  Ask yourself, what am pushing for or against?  Must you struggle?  Or can you shift your mindset to support you in success with more grace and ease?

Try it.

1)  REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE STUCK!  Because the minute you do that, you will stop looking for solutions and your subconscious mind which is a wealth of information and resources far beyond the conscious mind will stop as well.  Just tell yourself, "I don't know the solution at the moment, but I will find it or I will meet someone who can help." Or use the affirmation I used above.  Your subconscious is far more resourceful than you can imagine, it works on solutions in the background while your conscious mind is busy doing other things.  That's why a name you've forgotten will pop in later or long after the test is over, you recall the information you thought you had forgotten.  If you come to rely on this ability to use your subconscious for problem solving, it will enhance and become a source of confidence and wisdom for you.

2)  OPEN YOUR MIND TO SEE ALL ASPECTS OF A PROBLEM.   Many times when you are stuck, it is because you are not addressing your problem from a whole brain perspective. Put bluntly, sometimes analysis and logic is not enough.  Oftentimes, there are hidden factors contributing to a problem whether they be emotional, unconscious, hidden mindsets or belief patterns.   If you have a health issue, consider if stressful emotions are playing into the illness or disease.  Also consider the possibility that the illness provides a payoff or gain for you on deeper hidden level. I worked with a client who had migraines for years.  Through hypnotherapy, she discovered that they served the purpose of giving her an excuse to stay home from work, a job that she had grown to hate.  Once she became conscious of this, she chose to quit her job!  No more migraines. 

Years ago, I quit engineering to make it my mission to help anyone who feels stuck.  If I can help you, I would be honored to do so.

Meanwhile, sending you much light and love.  The world needs your unique talents and light.  You are meant to #makeadifference

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3 Reasons You Should Take More Vacation Time

Grand Mayan Pools at Riviera Maya, Mexico - Empowerment Retreats

I decided last year that I was committing myself to more vacation days.  And can I tell you how HARD that was for me?  Way more than you would probably guess as I am not one who likes to be in debt.  

Owning a business where I provide services has always meant, when I don’t work, I don’t get paid.  So vacations were always something to really think twice about.  Interestingly, according to two separate surveys by Forbes and a national market research firm, even most Americans who are given paid vacation by their companies don’t take all of it.  Here are 3 reasons, I decided to commit to it and why I think you should as well.

Reason #1 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Self-care.  You hear this buzz word quite a bit lately.  It’s funny that many people have a hard time taking 30 minutes out of their day for exercise because there’s always some house chore to do that seems to take priority instead.  Or, if you are like me and you own a business, there’s always something you could be doing to manage or grow your business.  However, when you are on vacation, the laundry, the dishes, and your business are far away.  No excuses to relax, get moving, and have fun!

Reason #2 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Make Happy Memories with Your Kids.  I vowed a couple years ago after my best friend died  that I would spend less money on gifts and more time taking vacations with my family.  I don’t think my two teenagers could tell you what they received for Christmas in 2014, maybe not even what they received this past Christmas of 2015!  However, they do remember very vivid details about our trip to Bryson City, North Carolina, three summers ago, where we rented a cabin by a stream and went tubing and white water rafting.  I hope my kids will have an arsenal of happy vacations in their minds and hearts by the time they go to college.

Reason #3 for Taking More Vacation Days:  Defying Fears Around Money.  I stopped working nights and weekends several years ago when I realized that the only reason I did was because I was in fear around money.  I needed to stop telling myself a “lack” story and believe that the money would come without sacrificing my health and my values for family.  Now, nights and weekends are for family.  Period.   

Then, in the past year, in addition to family vacations,  I have donated four weeks of my time to my favorite charity, Send Me On Vacation. I travel out of the country to perform emotional healing and recovery workshops for breast cancer survivors.  By refusing to worry about what missing a month from work would do to my business bottom line, I have gained so much more… including experience in performing workshops abroad, on cruise ships, and the extremely nourishing and WONDERFUL opportunity to make new friends during each week that I have spent on those trips!

Interestingly for me, whenever I come back from a vacation, I have a so much more energy for my business that it seems to act as a catalyst to bring in more income!  

I would love to hear your thoughts about this article.  Thanks in advance for sharing and I hope your summer is filled with laughter, sunlight, time well spent on vacation making many good memories.

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Empowering Yourself on a Lonely Valentine’s Day

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

— Rumi

I have been thinking about each of you.   It’s February, which is typically associated with love and the heart.   And yet, I know for many of you Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of the love you don’t feel or have in your life.

Many people struggle to move past the pain of divorce, break-up, and infidelity.  They feel stuck because logically they know they want to let go and move on but something deeper holds them back.

This is problem because the toxic emotions and ruminating on the past can drastically drain your mental and emotional energy.

Another reason this is a problem is because it can sabotage your confidence creating a lack of self-trust and self-worth when it comes to new relationships.

The good news is that once you have an effective strategy showing you how to clear you subconscious blocks, you can reclaim you confidence and self-worth and unleash a chain reaction of abundance in your life, abundance in the area of love, financial freedom and even living your BIG mission!

On a wish and a dare, my life changed one day when I decided to try hypnosis to help me with depression.  The healing that occurred was so rapid and so powerful for me that I quit a high paying engineering job to become a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and help other heal their hidden barriers to overcoming problem emotions.

Along the way, I realized that I had created a formula for moving past the pain of divorce and breakup that broke all the rules of traditional options.

Now, after 20 years of working with thousands of clients behind closed doors, I’ve begun to share my proven, time tested, rapid breakthrough strategies for helping men and women heal to the world!  With the new technology on the internet allowing for everyone to use MP3 downloads and Skype along with the convenience of mobile devices, I have actually been working with clients all over the U.S. and in other countries!

I call this program Heal Your Heart.

 This program will help you rapidly and powerfully:

• Release the mental habit of ruminating on the past.
• Reclaim your worth in life and in love.
• Stop obsessing on your ex.
• Take back your power and reclaim your energy.
• Release the subconscious barriers keeping you from moving forward.
• Stop the cycle of addictive thinking and ruminating on the past.
• Release the toxic emotions and become emotionally empowered.
• Rebuild your confidence and self-trust
• Love yourself and know you are a prize!

I love showing my clients how to heal their heart and move on because something unexpected happens.  Suddenly, you find hope and energy and you are doing amazing things! Is it your turn?  Contact me and let's find out!

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